


below my feet.

by ppacespearb



Series: Memories [2]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Sad and Sweet, Slice of Life, based on true facs, just me being sad writing sad things, metion of rape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-14 20:07:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29301621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ppacespearb/pseuds/ppacespearb
Summary: "I just wanted you to know how much I loved having you with me. And how these 3 months by your side were unforgettable."The rest of the letter was scrawled, as if he was trying to write something and then gave up.It was a goodbye.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Series: Memories [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2103639
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	below my feet.

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE READ THIS NOTE.
> 
> hi, hello, its me. so i was feeling a lil bit down, and when im sad i write sad things hahahaha.  
> this slice of writing was also published on my twitter account. (@ppacespearb)
> 
> as already metioned on the first fic of this series, this is based on my real story. my boyfriend passed away 5 years ago, and now im being brave enough to tell a bit of our beautiful story, and i choose minsung to express it.

**based on a real story.**

**2014, june. when I first lost him.**

There was a box in front of Minho’s house, he was afraid to touch it. He knew what was inside, and he wouldn't like to see it. Lino kept looking to the street, searching for the car that left that package, maybe he would come back, maybe they could talk. He took the box with him into the house, sat on the bed, and looked at it resting on his lap. 

Inside of it, there was the only thing that still connected him to Jisung.

An Alice in Wonderland book. His favorite one. He had lent it to Han at the beginning of it all. It could be just that, just Jisung giving him back the book. But inside there were two pictures. One photo of both of them, smiling bright, the first selfie they took together when feelings weren't messy. The second picture was only Lee Minho, on a table of a coffee shop, hiding his face with his hands, laughing. Behind this one a couple of words were written in Jisung's tiny calligraphy:

_ "I just wanted you to know how much I loved having you with me. And how these 3 months by your side were unforgettable."  _

The rest of the letter was scrawled, as if he was trying to write something and then gave up.

**It was a goodbye.**

Why was that hurting so much? Why did it seem his heart was broken into tiny pieces and he will never piece them back together? He was melting in pain, and he never felt that way, with that feeling of denial, like something that he couldn’t handle. Minho could handle a bunch of things, he could handle a degree he didn't want to take, he could handle a shitty ex, he could handle his parents broke and having to work his ass out to pay for the tuition of a college he didn’t even want to go to.

But he couldn't handle being without Jisung. 

It was not fair.  _ With Jisung. _

Han loved Lino since they started to hang out just being friends, he made it very clear, he showed all the signs of it. Since their completely nonsense first kiss, when they laughed their asses off and Minho said  _ “It will not work.”  _ between the giggles. But Minho ignored it. He still believed that they were just friends.

Minho was just being a selfish jackass when he called Jisung so many times that he had to answer it. 

_ “Really?” _ Han seemed tired. He was putting a huge effort into getting out of Minho’s grip. 

“Listen to me, please.” Minho's voice seemed wrecked, Han hardly believed in the expressive vulnerability in that.

_ “Are you crying?” _

“I’m not. Can you just listen to me, please?” 

_ “Ok, take your shot.” _

“I know, I’m being selfish. I know, I really know.” A nervous laugh came in response. “I don’t wanna be without you, Sungie. You’re part of my life now, it’s… It just doesn't make sense. I know I’m a shit head, but I don’t wanna lose you.” 

_ “You should have thought of that before kissing one of my best friends in front of me.” _

Minho was not used to that bratty tone. “How was I supposed to know that you liked me that way already?”

_ “Friends don’t fuck, Minho. Friends don’t fuck and don’t kiss almost every day. This is not what a friendship should be like, I know you’re pretty fucked up with relationships, but you can’t drag me down with you.” _

“I know…” So why he wasn’t able to let Jisung go? It wasn’t fair. Han was right, that was not a friendship, and Jisung was the best person in the world. He didn’t deserve it. But Minho was so confused, unable to distinguish his own feelings, it was hard for someone who had been so hurt. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what to say but sorry.” 

_ “I know, and you’re already forgiven, I can’t stay mad at you at all, but I need some space.”  _

“I’ll give you some space, but can you just… Just think about having some patience with me? I swear I’ll try not to be a shitty person again. I couldn't breathe just thinking about losing you.”

Jisung giggled a sad giggle.  _ “That was very cute.”  _

“I’m cute.” 

_ “Yeah, I know. I promise I’ll think about it, but I need some space, ok? To process things.”  _

He tried. He really tried to give Jisung some space. 

But, at the end of the day, he was calling Han again. “Please, it’s just so weird not to talk to you, like the whole day wasn’t right.” Minho rarely expressed what he felt, but he was like that with Jisung. Jisung was the only one able to make him say things like that. 

_ “Ok. Fuck it. So what are we gonna do about it?” _

“I think I'm in love with you. But I don’t wanna be in a relationship yet.”

_ “Yet?”  _

“Yeah. Maybe… Maybe if you can be patient. We can make it work.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  


**2014, june. when he first almost lost me.**

Jisung’s lips were still attached to Minho’s, he stroked Lino’s naked waist, pressing with care every single piece of skin of him. They were still out of breath. Minho looked at Han with hearty eyes as they separated, pressing a soft kiss on his forehead, smiling. “I love you,” Jisung whispered, hiding his head in the curve of Minho's neck, hugging him, pressing their sweaty and naked bodies together. The older one tried not to widen his eyes with that confession. 

“Yeah… Me… Me too.” He barely whispered, closing his eyes. 

Jisung blew out a sigh. “I just don’t get it.” 

“Get it what?”

“Why don't we date?”

“Sungie…”

The youngest pushed his body away, facing Minho. “That reaction. Why do you always act like this? We're kissing and fucking for over a… month? Two months? Why can't we date?” Minho lifted his torso, scratching his neck, already showing his discomfort that Jisung was talking about it again. 

“Jisung… We’re best friends…” 

“Don’t.” Now, he was mad. Han Jisung was really mad. “Don’t throw this shit on me again, Lee Minho!” 

“Jisung. Why?! Why are you ruining the moment like this?! Oh my fucking god! You said that you would be patient.” Lino was pissed, standing up, looking for his clothes on the floor. “We’re best friends that fuck around, why can you be happy with just that?!” 

“I’m not like that asshole that you dated before. Why can’t we be together? I would treat you just like a motherfucking prince, I would do everything for you, Minho. I’m already doing it.” There were tears streaming down Jisung’s chubby cheeks. “What the fuck that fucking pain in the ass did that you’re so traumatized with relationships?! LOOK AT ME!” 

Minho clenched his jaw, holding in everything he got not to cry, he was still half-naked, feeling completely vulnerable. The cold breeze from the window made him shiver, he was feeling so small. He finally looked at Jisung. The painful vision of his best friend crying, because of him, again. “Do you wanna know what he did?! Do you really wanna know?! Now?!” He spoke through his teeth, holding the lump in his throat, putting his clothes back on.

Jisung blinked, waiting. 

“He raped me, Jisung. The fucker raped me. I said no, a thousand times, and he just grabbed me and fucked me dry.” Lino almost yelled, words slipping like darts. “That’s why I’m so fucking scared, why can you just… Just. Oh my god. I can’t do this.” He was shaking, he couldn't bear to keep from crying. “I’m leaving. Bye, Jisung.” 

Han was shocked, mouth opening and closing, watching Minho’s back crossing the door of his room. “Wait! Minho, WAIT.” He ran to catch up with him, holding him by the wrist.

“Get off me.” Minho’s tone was cold, Jisung did what he asked and dropped his wrist. 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t know that, I had no idea, I’m sorry. Please.” His voice was tiny, he was still only in underwear. “How… Oh my god, I’m sorry.” He wiped away stubborn tears. “I… I…”

“Can you just take me home?! Please. We can talk about this tomorrow.” Minho had his arms crossed around his chest, pressing hard like he was about to fall at any second. 

“Of course. I’ll just grab some clothes.” Jisung nodded, whispering, probably feeling guilty to pull into Minho’s this way. 

It wasn’t fair with Jisung again, dragging him like this, pushing him away every time that things were about to set down between them. But Lino couldn't manage how scared he was. Han was perfect, and he really believed that he could treat him like a prince, but… Minho was so afraid. 

Sung left him at the front door of his house, they walked the short path in silence. 

“You did nothing wrong.” Minho finally spoke. “If that’s what you’re thinking about. You never forced me, everything between us was completely consensual and spontaneous.” 

“I wish I could beat this motherfucker’s ass and rip his dick off.” 

Minho tried not to giggle at that. “Always so brave.” He teased.

“I’m sorry. I told you I would be patient, and I was a little shit. I’m sorry… I just love you so much, sometimes it hurts. It feels like I’m not supposed to handle how much I love you.” He bit his lips. 

Minho didn’t answer him with words, pressing a soft kiss in his lips, then on his forehead. “You’re too good to me to be true, Sungie.” He whispered, mouth still ghosting Han’s skin. 

“I’m not, you deserve the world. Let me give it to you.” Jisung mumbled, holding Minho’s waist, rubbing his nose over his. “At least let me try.” 

Minho pressed his forehead against Sungie’s. “I will try to let you try. I swear.” 

“Ok. We can work with  _ “try” _ .” 

  
  
  
  


**2021, nowadays.**

If Minho knew, he probably wouldn’t take so much time realizing that Han Jisung was the right person for him. His soulmate. He never believed in this kind of thing, not until he felt so loved by someone. If he knew that he was losing him for real he would only have enjoyed the moments beside him more, he would have said more times that he loved him. 

And he was still loving him so much. Wherever he was. Because nothing could compare to what they lived together. And nothing could ever bring him back.

So, Minho stayed. Watching as his life went by, and years passed. 

But the pain remained. 

And sometimes the pain was so suffocating. Sometimes he felt so tired. Sometimes he wished that he was not strong enough, he wished he was weak to give up on everything. 

But he was still looking up, remembering every time that Jisung told him that everything was gonna be ok. 

_ And he really hoped that it would.  _

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thanku so much for reading it. comments are very welcome. 
> 
> kissus, @ppacespearb


End file.
